America, I've Given You All

A PLEA

President Bush admits that he didn't grow up with soccer, but he's starting to learn. Along those lines, I want to make an argument to some people who might not read this blog if it weren't for the fact that it is DC based and might reach some local ears. To those who hate soccer, to those that view it as effete export of a corrupt and decadent European society, I ask you now - Support the USA in the World Cup.

Since the start of the American Century, Europe (and especially England, the birthplace of soccer) have taken uniquely American products, repackaged them, and sent them back to our shores in a new-and-imrpoved format. America invented Rock and Roll, we got back The Beatles. We had the Ramones, we got back the Sex Pistols and The Clash. America popularized the mockumentary with This Is Spinal Tap, and we got The Office for our trouble.

I know that some of your distrust the "foreign" element of soccer. But the ultimate revenge is not to ignore. Oh no, my friends, the ultimate revenge is for our country to take that foreign game and learn to dominate it. Look, the US has fallen on the international stage in basketball and baseball recently, both American inventions. We owe them now. It's time for us to take "their" game and beat them at it. Turnabout is fair play, and revenge is a dish best served with Freedom Fries.

I understand that some of you believe that soccer is symptomatic of a culture of non-accountability, where draws are celebrated as "everyone wins" and trophies are handed out to all. I say to you that there's nothing like that at the World Cup. The United States isn't going to get out of its group, much less get a trophy, if it collects a measly three points in its matches against the Czech Republic, Italy, and Ghana. No sir. There's one trophy, and only one country in the world that can claim to be the best. That's the ultimate truth of soccer as practiced at its highest level. One winner, one nation.

My friends, the World Cup is the perfect expression of nationalism and patriotism, a chance to be unabashedly jingoistic for ninety minutes at a time. I love it. What's more, sometimes we're not sure we believe in the myths of our own country. Are we truly a melting pot? The USA team features players of all colors. Is there really such a thing as American Ingenuity? Under Bruce Arena, the US is known for a style of soccer that adapts to its opponents in order to overcome them. Are we the Home of the Brave? Ask Cobi Jones after Mexico tried to take him out with a headhunter in Korea. The better angels of our nature exist, and they enact those shared myths of our country wearing the red, white, and blue.

Soccer is a chance for our country to have a true unifying factor this summer, and I ask you to join it. Even if, like the President, you never saw a soccer ball until recently, you can still join in support of all that should be right with America, even when it isn't.

Okay, pontification over.