15 May 2010

An Open Letter to DC United

There are two possibilities... either I am the foremost football tactician of our day, or Onalfo is watching a different game with different players doing much different things. Because I am seeing very obvious things that I would think can be easily fixed. Benching Castillo, for example...

On the terrible heels of a terrible 2-0 loss, terribly, I offer these thoughts on what should be a much better team.

1. If Castillo can't challenge the keeper, or even kick the ball over the head of the first defender, he shouldn't be taking the free kicks. Week after week his efforts are embarrassing.
2. The Allsopp/Cristman type of forward is the future of DCU, if not the MLS. Connor Casey, who is a terrible soccer player, is at least a hard worker and a physical presence up top.
3. Troy Perkins isn't a bad keeper. Please stop saying so, Sacho Cirovski. (That was from last week...)
4. Why does the defense have so much creativity with their fouling but none with their offensive crossing or passing?
5. Ben Olsen off the bench? Not really, but let's rally around the hard workers: Morsink, Cristman, Allsopp. Castillo, Simms, Wallace: these under-performers need to sit on the bench for a week or two and ruminate.

Share your own thoughts in the comments.

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14 January 2010

Welcome Home

Troy Perkins is returning to the USA, MLS and DC United!


I know that some of you will be happy that he is returning at the expense of Fred, who is moving to Philadelphia.

Share your thoughts in the comments.

03 November 2009

Interesting Fact

I just watched the 11+ minute video of all of the GOTY nominees. I noticed that no GOTY nominees were scored against DC United. On the face of it, that makes me happy. It is good to know that DC United didn't get poster-ized to wide renown this season.

Thinking about it more, however, one may be able to make an argument that for keepers like Rimando or Reis, who seemed to figure prominently in these highlights, if the only goals that they are giving up are the fantastical, flooky goals or the once-in-a-career one-timers out of midair, maybe that's not so bad.

The corollary to this argument would be that all of the goals that DC United surrendered this season were plain, boring tallies that were breakdowns in positioning or marking and shouldn't have been given up at all. So maybe it would have been nice to see DCU getting beat a few times in this video reel? Your thoughts?

Also: Soehn...

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18 October 2009


D.C. United 1 : 0 Columbus Crew

Six Word Novel Recap

A decent team, with terrible supporters.

Let me just start by saying that Steve Cronin impressed the hell out of me last night. He played confidently, and he did not hesitate to come off of his line or even out of the box. At one point last night, he ran almost to the corner flag to shield a Crew player off the ball until it ran out for a goal kick. He was completely alone in the corner, the goal mouth was empty and the wet conditions at RFK meant that if the ball had not rolled out, he would have been in a position needing to play the ball with his feet 1 v 1 against the attacking player. I wouldn't say that it was a nervous moment, because it worked out fine, but I mention it because it was the type of heads up, proactive goalkeeping that you don't see very often and with it, he made things a lot easier for himself. The score line shows him earning a 6 save shutout and he earned Man of the Match honors as a result of a text-message poll of fans there at RFK. I think it was well deserved, even more so than Emilio, your goal scorer, and Khumalo, the assist man.

I can't decide whether the Crew played like the best team in the league last night. On the one hand, they spent virtually the entire 2nd half in the United end. But on the other hand, they got shut out by a team struggling to even make the playoffs and only had 2 or 3 decent chances. One thing that I know for sure is that their supporters should definitely stay at home next time.

The most experience I've had with supporter's groups is with Barra Brava, Screaming Eagles and La Norte and so I've always thought of these groups as positive things. They support their team. It seems that these assholes from Ohio only came to RFK last night to unleash a barrage of senseless profanity. And don't get me wrong, I love me some profanity, but as my wife pointed out, the Crew supporters (does anyone know what their are known by? Massively Terrible?) were seated in a section directly above the VW Garage area, which was filled with little kids getting their faces painted and getting free VW t-shirts. So when Cronin took his first goal kick of the night, the Crew supporters responded very clearly with "FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!" My wife and I were still down there getting our VW t-shirts at that point and the looks of complete puzzlement on the 10 year old faces was saddening.

So I hope you guys enjoyed your visit to your nation's Capitol, but please, don't let Emilio's boot hit you in the ass on your way home. I hope your team loses the Supporter's Shield.

Oh yeah, hilarious story of the night: when GBS came over to the corner for an early corner kick, under the Crew supporter's section and right next to the VW Garage area where my wife and I were still standing, watching the first few minutes of play, the supporter's greated him with an ongoing chant of "Guillermo! Guillermo!" HAHAHA Because it sounded exactly like they were chanting, "Terrible! Terrible!"

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23 September 2009

CONCACAF Champions League - Cruz Azul @ CLB

It is a good thing that I am not a CLB fan right now. In the 41st minute of this CCL match, play is getting chippy as hell and C.A. just scored a second goal a few minutes after one of those stretches when the commentators say, "Uh, the ref really needs to get control of this game soon or someone is going to get hurt."

So I would really have lost it if I was a CLB supporter. Good thing...

In a personal note, I just got the FiOS hooked up today so in addition to this game I'm waching now, and the CD Marathon @ DCU I'll be watching tomorrow, I got to watch the Serie A: Udinese @ AC Milan early this afternoon.


Cheers all.

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16 September 2009

Simple Things

I watched the DCU @ SJJ match last night and said to my wife, "These guys are professional soccer players. You would think that they wouldn't need to be reminded that in order to score, you need to shoot." But I find myself screaming at the TV (or at the players, when I venture to RFK) "SHOOT IT!" "SHOOT THE BALL!"

The pointless back passing has to stop. It is a real momentum killer. If you don't think you can do anything with the ball when you receive it while posted up on a guy at the top of the box, for example play it square or turn on the defender and go to goal, then why are you posting up there in the first place? Just get out of the way; you aren't helping.

And the settling... These guys are professionals, I am not. But even I remember from when I was like 8 years old that the most important part of receiving a pass is to settle it, to control it. When Emilio or Gomez or whoever it is receives a pass and then they pop it up over their head with their first touch and then it is taken away from them, that is unacceptable. What is it that they practice in these training sessions of theirs?

These seem like silly things to focus on, but I'm not sure why we'd talk about anything else until these things are remedied.

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03 September 2009


The last 10-15 minutes of regular time and stoppage time was amazing. It was totally frantic and United supporters were rewarded with a goal at the end of regulation. I was actually telling my wife that the set play off of that free kick should have been to fake it at goal and just slot it to Simms who was faking that run anyway. But the way that it went down was good too. I remember an absolutely brilliant goal that Etcheverry scored in that exact manner several years ago. If someone can find me that highlight on the intertubes, I will buy you a hamburger on a Tuesday.

By the way, there were some Sounders fans there...

Overall, I thought the team looked decent. Pontius was dangerous, Jaime was hustling, Gomez was making aggressive runs at the defense. The problem, of course, was the finishing.

The most interesting thing to report from the stadium was what a horrible idea $2 beers and $2 hotdogs were. The lines were AMAZINGLY long. It was almost worth giving up alcohol because of those lines. It is completely possible that some people missed the entire 1st half standing in some Ouroboros-like line, winding around and back upon itself. The whole idea was a logistical nightware. There seemed to be only one Miller Lite rep running kegs back and forth to the various outposts and by early in the second half, just after halftime, they had started substituting Yuengling, because all of the Miller Lite was gone.

Comment away!

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26 August 2009

United reaching out to DC Sports fans

Its nice to see the team trying to reach out beyond the usual fans. But will it work? I guess we'll know in a week.


23 August 2009

Open BLECH for DCU v LAG

CSN is letting me down. My wife and I are on a reduced entertainment budget, so we can't necessarily afford the trip to RFK and the inevitable beers cotton candy. And we have Comcast basic cable... I guess we are grandfathered in on that; is that even offered to new subscribers anymore?

Subsequently I don't get Fox Soccer Channel. Not like I'd want it; f**k Fox, in any formation or configuration.

I want Dave Johnson. I want Garth Lagerway.

Actually, I prefer listening to Tony Limarzi.

Anyway, it sounds like Emilio played his ass off and didn't get any satisfaction, so everyone tell me whether I'm right or I'm wrong in the comments.

And pass along free tickets and other stuff to me when you have it, since my wife will be in school for 16 months and we'll be on only one income. Thanks in advance.

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16 August 2009

Open comments for DCU at TFC

I might be prompted to build an argument for a change at manager around this game.

Terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible. Terrible.


Mouth off in the comments.

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