Soccer in America
I'm going to gingerly set this down in the middle of the room, careful not to make any sudden moves, and then slowly back away from it so that I can get as close to the door as possible before anyone realizes what I've done. By the time someone notices it sitting there, and wanders over curiously to sniff it and poke it with a paw, I'll have a thick door between us and will have already bolted 3 of the four padlocks.
The Not-so-beautiful game.
You may also enjoy Wonkette's take on this.