13 April 2007

An Expert View on the Kansas City Wizards

Thanks to the DCenter's partnership with the RAND Corporation's joint venture with the Fforde Motor Company on Fictional Realization and Imaginotransference, the DCenters is pleased to bring you an interview with someone who knows more about our upcoming opponent than we do.

Harry Potter is a famed wizard having spent six years of advanced study at Hogwarts (NCAA Div 1) and a sports legend himself in the sport of Quidditch (rumors of his first cap for the England team are unsubstantiated.) As a Wizard, he bring his unique insight into tomorrow's game to The DCenters.

Harry, welcome to the blog.

It's a pleasure to be here. While Quidditch is my first love, I'm a big fan of football as well. I've been a Charlton Athletic supporter since I became aware of the sport, and have always wondered if Cory Gibbs is related to your Joe Gibbs.

Um, no. Anyways, I'm a little surprised that at one point you were associated with the New England Revolution. Why on earth would a Wizard associate with that team?

Well, I was actually under instructions from the Order of the Phoenix. I had to go undercover, and Dumbledore once said the best place to hide a stick was in a forest. We had information that Brad Feldman might be a Death Eater based on some of the things he had said. It turned out he was just an homer who wasn't aware of the things that were coming out of his mouth.

That makes sense. Anyways, this is Kansas City's first game of the season. Josh Wolff is gone to 1860 Munich. What can they do to replace that offense?

Many muggles don't know this, but Kansas City has many magical elements. Eric Kronberg is part giant, and is the half-brother to Rubeus Hagrid. And they have the magical substance known to the wizarding world as Victorine, a rare element that is magical in and of itself. Pure victorine is very rare, and when sufficiently concentrated can manifest itself as a central midfielder. It is said that beings of pure Victorine can not lose. At least, that's what Snape was teaching in Potions when I was a third year student.

Does anything worry you about the league?

Well, we're all worried about He-Who-Is-Not-To-Be-Named.


No, I can say "Voldemort." I mean that being of cruelty that delights in torture. He used to play in DC, but is now with New York.

DC...now with the Bulls... you don't mean Dema Kovalenko, do you?

A DEMAntor! Expecto Patronum!

Hey There.

Um... You're my patronus?

That's right. You need a Grown-Ass Man if you want to face down Snape and the rest of the death eaters in the final book of your series. I've been so busy trying to figure out how to keep you alive I haven't been able to concentrate on scoring in a national team game for months.

But... I thought my patronus took the form of my dad...



I have something to tell you. After this interview. We done here?

Yeah, I suppose we're done. Thanks Harry, and thanks Eddie. Much appreciated.

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At 13 April, 2007 14:45, Blogger I-66 said...

Sasha is a girl's name... Sasha is a girl's name...

At 13 April, 2007 14:49, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just how long is that acid trip?

At 13 April, 2007 15:09, Anonymous DCUinCT said...

How is it possible that Merlin didn't join the Wiz? I mean come on! Some marketer in KC should loose his job.

At 13 April, 2007 16:05, Anonymous Marc said...

That. Was. Awesome.

Well played, DCenters.

At 13 April, 2007 16:11, Blogger Kinney said...

Absoultely Hilarious. I knew this was coming but you took it and ran with it.

At 13 April, 2007 16:33, Blogger D said...

Kinney: You are too modest. You had a lot to do with this one.

At 13 April, 2007 17:19, Blogger Blue Blooded Journo said...

I like the re-occurring theme. I'm also very impressed you remembered that Revs promo from last year.

At 13 April, 2007 19:02, Anonymous Dave Lifton said...

And you dare make fun of me...

At 13 April, 2007 22:21, Anonymous Goose said...

You're a weird dude, man.

I dig weird. :D


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