08 June 2007

An Expert View on the New York Red Bulls

As you know, for the first game against a given MLS opponent this season, The DCenters has arranged for an expert to come to The DCenters and provide salient, thoughtful commentary. For New York, we clearly needed to find someone who understood the MLS and USA based game better than anyone. Our first choice was New York Red Bulls Head Coach Bruce Arena, but sadly he's apparently busy preparing for Sunday's match. However, thanks to our partnership with the RAND Corporation's Temporal Mechanics division, we were able bring Bruce Arena from the year 2005 forward into the future. So it is with pleasure that we introduce US Men's National Team head coach Bruce Arena. Coach, welcome to the DCenters.

A blog, huh? Well, I imagine your questions are probably as well researched and intelligent as the questions I typically get in post game press conferences. So I suppose I can take some time out of my day to talk to you. I should be reviewing these Taylor Twellman videotapes, but I can't see a guy like that having an impact for the National team. I need someone who can pass the ball around as well as score with their head, and I can't see him getting assists in a major tournament.

Well, we'll try and keep things relevant and short given your busy schedule and the strain we're placing on the tachyon fields that power the space-time continuum paradox containment flows. First, a general US question. How do you feel about first Landon Donovan, and then Clint Mathis, returning to the USA?

It's disappointing. I think Europe is a place where you need to make your mark. Everyone has to do what they have to do, but I think if you leave Germany in a funk to return to MLS, you've taken a step backwards. It's a decision that you have to live with afterwards, of course, but I would hope they could have managed to make it overseas.

...Good... Well, turning to the game at hand, how do you rate New York?

New York has an excellent coach in Bob Bradley, and that will help this team. I think that team needs to get Amado Geuvara back to form, and I think Bob can do that. He's one of the better coaches, and I know that from working with him. They've also got a good prospect in Michael Bradley, and that kid has a future, so I think there's still a lot to build around there. Of course, it's a rebuilding process, and Bob will need to put his imprint on his team, the way he did with Chicago. I think that he excels in MLS, it's a good place for him, but it's a tough assignment to turn around a franchise like that, and I don't envy him the task.

One of the things you might not know is that the long rumored "Beckham" rule has finally been implemented for this 2007 season. Do you think that will have much of an impact?

Probably, but not because of European based players coming over. I think back to the early years, when you had players like Moreno, and Valderama, and Etcheverry, and certainly those sorts of players brought value to the league and improved the level of play to everyone. But that's the kind of player I think you'd use a Beckham exemption on. You don't want to have to reimport an aging US star with that kind of rule, like, I wouldn't have used it on John Harkes or someone like that. And I think you wouldn't want to use it on some Premiership washout from 'Boro or Villa or Newcastle or places like that.

Fascinating insight coach. Turning back to US Soccer, Bob Contiguglia is planning is probably planning on leaving the presidency of the US Soccer Federation. Any thoughts on his successor?

Well, I imagine Sunil Gulati is a good choice for that job. Sunil and I work well together, we understand that he has his role, and I have mine. You need someone to run the books and keep the spreadsheets in order, and he understands how to do that, while I understand how to run a national team. I think that would work well.

Nice. Turning to DC United, what do you think of them?

They're defending champions for a reason. I've said many times that Jaime Moreno is the best player MLS has seen, and even though he scores more of his goals from the spot I think he has a lot to contribute. Peter Nowak is an emerging coach, and we talk on the phone occasionally. I still remember what he did in 1998, and he brings that intensity to his coaching. He has good discipline and players that know how to implement that discipline like Dema Kovalenko. Freddy Adu will need to learn from Peter. It's funny, because I know both Peter and Freddy have national team ambitions of their own, but I think they need to focus on DC United for the next four years or so, and then see what happens.

Thanks Coach. Fascinating insight.

So... how did the World Cup go? Did we make the quarterfinals again?

I can't tell you. Paradox, dead grandfathers, ants that evolve into humans... you understand. One thing can seriously disrupt the future and destroy more than just your job. Okay boys, let's return Bruce back to 2005...

I understand, you can't just tell me... Of course, you might speak in code somehow... Like the way you empasized One in your last comment... Perhaps you mean I need to play a 4-5-1... And job... you mean John O'Brien should get more time despite his injury problems....and...Hey, I'm fading out here...the colors are coming back...

Um, did we just do something wrong?

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At 08 June, 2007 14:29, Blogger Mike H said...

So DCenters is to blame for '06. Somehow I knew it all along.

At 08 June, 2007 14:40, Anonymous Karl said...

Oh past Bruce, there's so much future Bruce has to warn you about.

At 08 June, 2007 15:29, Blogger The Bird said...

Hilarious! Great post.

At 09 June, 2007 16:01, Blogger Ben Olsen's Beard said...

Past Bruce is here to kill Future Bruce!


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