An Open Letter to the Fans of the Washington Nationals
Dear Nats Fans:
By now, the pain of not being in the playoff hunt has subsided. Yet it's been a long season, and you really have grown to love RFK. At least, you've grown to tolerate it. Now as the season winds down, and you face a desperate finale to finish third in the NL East, what will you do?
Well, there is still playoff excitement at RFK. Your DC United (you did know you share the stadium with a soccer team, right?) is sitting at second in the MLS Eastern Conference with the third best record in the league. There are only a few regular season games left, and maybe one or two playoff home games (if the stars align), and really, do you want to say goodbye to RFK just yet? Not at all. So find the black t-shirt you had when you thought you'd be a bass guitar player in college and make your way to RFK.
What's that? Don't know much about soccer? Here's a quick guide on how to leverage (that's a business term meaning "recycle and hope no one notices") your knowledge of baseball to sound informed about DC United.
For the Nats: What Livan Hernandez thows, or Mike Stanton throws when he isn't balking.
For DCU: Another word for the field.
For the Nats: A cantankerous, manic-depressive word-smith who occasionally gets off a few good lines.
For DCU: A rookie defender that gives up a few own-goals, but usually plays balls off the line.
For the Nats: A past-his-prime writer that rarely deigns to acknowledge the sport.
For DCU: A past-his-prime writer that rarely deigns to acknowledge the sport.
The Ownership Question
For the Nats: Still wards of the league, waiting for a break.
For DCU: Finally got an owner, and a classy one at that in Kevin Payne's group.
For the Nats: Sends annoying Mets fans into RFK where they act like jerks.
For DCU: We send our fans into the Meadowlands, where they outnumber the Metros supporters. At least, it seems that way.
The Hype Machine
For the Nats: Jim Bowden.
For DCU: Freddy Adu, whose hype sounds like it was written by Jim Bowden, but despite that can actually play.
The Flawed Ace
For the Nats: Livan Hernandez
For DCU: Nick Rimando, who has the most shutouts in the league but his positioning on set pieces reminds one of a kitten whose thinking of jumping to the top of a bookshelf. There's a lot of consideration and planning, and sometimes you don't quite make it and knock everything on the floor.
The Cantankerous Coach
Nats: Frank Robinson.
DCU: Peter Nowak.
The Bouncing Stands
Nats: 3rd base line, during rallies.
DCU: Supporters' sections, pretty much throughout the entire game.
Nats: Take Me Out to the Ballgame during 7th inning stretch, and occasionally Sweet Caroline
DCU: Too many to list, at all times.
Nats: pronounced Jay-ME, followed by Carroll.
DCU: pronounced HI-me, followed by Moreno, and then a series of drum beats. Repeat.
The Christian Problem
Nats: A chaplin's quoted views to Ryan Church on salvation for Jews.
DCU: Christian Gomez will miss the home game against the Metrostars for caution points.
There ya go! An easy guide to sounding knowledgeable on DC United action. So come out again to RFK, as we make a run at MLS Title #5.