The Karma Bank

BDR had a throwaway comment that intrigued me in a ridiculous fanboy sort of way: "What's distressing is that United may be burning all it's good luck on mediocrity." Now, I do believe that luck plays a role in games, but I also believe it functions the same way coin flips do: Previous tosses of the coin do not affect subsequent tosses, early scenes of Stoppard plays notwithstanding.

But if there were such a think as karma in soccer, how would it work? Here is a completely unscientific measurement to answer that question. First, if we're in the realm of magical thinking, and I think we are, then we must presume that the Deities Above Monitoring Normal Soccer (henceforth The DAMNS) appreciate stylish, attacking soccer. They despise diving and theatrics. They intervene in affairs through the referee, strange bounces, and minute air currents that direct a ball to one side of the post or another. So based on those principles, how much Karma should DC United have earned with the DAMNS, if we could theoretically assign karma points on a zero to three basis? Here's how I think it would go:

• At Olimpia: Stylish soccer in difficult circumstances (away, non-US, and first game of the year) earns DC United 1 karma. (+1 overall)
  
• Olimpia: Icky game in the rain, but result was reflective of the circumstances. No change. (+1)
  
• Chivas Guadalajara: United is mostly outplayed, but gets a late goal to head on the road deadlocked. A bit fortunate, so DC United burns 1 karma. (Even)
  
• At Chivas Guadalajara: United plays well, but freak rainstorm leads to Perkins missing the critical save. DC United owed 1 karma. (+1)
• At Colorado: Uninspired affair sees DC lose, but the result was reflective. No Change (+1)
• Kansas City: United players slipping on the pitch allow Wizards multiple breaks in on Perkins. Definitely a bit unfortunate, even if DC didn't deserve the win. United owed 1 karma (+2).
• At Columbus: United loses, but it wasn't luck that played the biggest role. No Change (+2)
• New England: United played well so earned a bit of karma, but ultimately got the goal through a penalty they normally don't get, burning 2 karma. 1 karma burned overall in the game. (+1)
• Chivas USA: United earned that win, and the penalty seemed fair to me. No change (+1)
• At Toronto: Again, United fights back after giving up an early goal. The own goal might have been slightly lucky, but owed more to Gomez's kick. The penalty was earned, but the Emilio's theatrics don't help. Still, overall? No change (+1)
• Houston: Decent match, and while United gets some help from Ching missing a few shots, they also played well enough to win. No change. (+1)
• At LA: Tedious, tedious, tedious. Still, United played some good soccer at the start of the second, but was far luckier in not being down at that point. Smoke from the karma burned got in Nate Jaqua's eyes. (Even)

So there it is. We're not owed anything by chance, but we don't owe anyone either. At this point, I'd say the breaks have gone easily. It's just that what we remember is affected by our current mood. If you're cynical, you'd remember all the times we got lucky and think "when that flips, we'll get hammered." If you're optimistic, then you think of all the times we didn't get the right bounce or a player slipped, and say "Well, once things go our way we'll be unstoppable." And if you're me, then you think "Huh, it seems about even so far. Man I hope this team plays good enough that luck isn't as much of a factor."