Confidential to the Boyfriend of Dweebiest Present

From today's Gene Weingarten chat (about 1/3 of the way down):

Dweebiest Present: My boyfriend bought me an official Jaime Moreno DC United jersey. Not just any one, but one he wore in a match. Dweebier than yours or not?
Gene Weingarten: Not dweebier. More disturbing, though.

Gene is, of course, wrong. Wearing a Tiki Barber jersey is much more disturbing than a Moreno jersey. It is all about tailoring. Football jerseys look awful on people that aren't playing football. The only things that look worse on everyday people are baseball jerseys. Football jerseys demand that you wear something underneath them, and typically that won't match with whatever color the jersey is. Baseball jerseys are button up affairs that demand a collar, but don't have them. As a result, there's a nagging feeling that somehow the outfit should be more formal than it is, especially with the typical baseball lettering that seems to come from a first grader that just learned cursive and is armed with a paint brush and a set of primary colors. Men can get away with basketball jerseys provided they are at the local ball court, in a health club, or at the mall. Women look fantastic in hockey and soccer jerseys. These are simple, simple rules.

And if the author of Dweebiest Present actually liked her gift, then I say to the boyfriend that it is time to consider marriage. Of course, given that she probably hearts Gene, save the money you'd use for a ring and get her a DCU Engagement pendant. You can inscribe a new star on it each anniversary.